Ender Potter Goes to Magrathea, Part one
by octopi-of-the-world
Summary: A crossover between Harry Potter, Ender's GameEnder's Shadow, and The More Than Complete Hitchhiker's Guide


Ender Potter Goes to Magrathea, part one  
  
"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, hoggy- warty Hogwarts" sang all of the students, except Harry. Harry was in a particularly bad mood, not only because he hadn't seen Hedwig yet, but also because he had had an especially lousy summer. Of course, he had never REALLY had a good summer, not with the Dursleys, anyway, but this one was much worse than usual, because even though his friend's letters had helped, he missed his godfather. (Me: WAAAAAAH! *sniff* Where's the Kleenex box? Why'd they *sniff* have to kill off the best character?! WAAAAAAAH! *Sniff* Anyway.) He also had a headache, so the song didn't really help much. In fact, it rather annoyed him.  
  
So, he made the serious mistake to start rubbing his temples with his wand, and mutter "anywhere but here anywhere but here anywhere but here". Normally he would have been glad to be back at Hogwarts, but he took it for granted sometimes. So, using his wand, he magically transported himself (without meaning to) to the planet of Magrathea, the manufacturer of planets, which is a myth that alien parents tell to their little alien children in case they want to go into alien economy. (Erm. you would have to have read The More Than Complete Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams to understand)  
  
He looked up just in time to see a bowl of petunias and an innocent sperm whale come hurtling down from the sky, followed by a space ship. The bowl of petunias broke, and, well, so did the whale. (I know- yuck- poor whale) Well, that's THEIR problem, he thought, and, so, he suddenly became un-see- able (well, it's not really invisible, per se.). (Erm, Douglas Adams, all of that as well.) Sheesh, he thought, now THAT's my problem. And so he became visible again. (STILL Douglas Adams)  
  
Next thing Harry knew, ANOTHER spaceship hurtled down (this time from Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card), and it was smoking, like a car does before it explodes. Now, that's EVERYBODY's problem, he thought to himself, and, no, he did not become un-see-able again. Actually, both parties stepped out of their spaceships, one coughing, and the other a bit shaken, and started walking towards Harry, who was rather uncomfortably dressed in his school robes with bits of whale stuck on, and a couple of leaves in his hair.  
  
The party from the first spaceship was: a man in a bathrobe and pajamas, another man in a sweater, a woman in a red suit of sorts, and a man that looked something like a pirate, only with two heads and three arms, and a depressed looking robot, who actually was rather depressed.  
  
The party from the second ship was a REALLY small boy, looking to be about six, a taller boy, looking to be about eight, and a rather large adult, dressed in a military uniform. "Uuuh. hi?" said Harry, picking off a piece of whale. "Erm. it- you look like you have a problem. erm, is there anything I can do to help?"  
  
"There's nothing you can do to help me, I mean, what are you supposed to do, if you are supposed to be your plastic pal who's fun to be with, and you know what, I'm not metal, I'm plastic and nothing can cheer me up, and do you know why, no don't even try to answer that, I'm so much smarter than you, and even I don't know, oh dear, I'm SO depressed, I suppose you would like me to shut up now, ok, I'll just go sulk some more, or maybe I'll just stick my head in a bucket of water, like in the car park, would you like that? Oh no I'm SO depressed." Said the robot in one breath, or at least, it would have been if robots could breathe.  
  
"Uuuuuuuuuummm. right, then, err, what's your name?" asked Harry. "Oh, don't listen to him, kid, he talks to machines and they commit suicide. No offense, Marvin kid" replied the man that looked like a pirate with two heads and three arms. The robot referred to as "Marvin" grumbled. Well, then, Harry thought. I can cure his little, no, not little, problem.  
  
He pulled his wand out from his pocket, cleared his throat, pointed his wand at Marvin, and yelled, "HAPPILUS!" The response from Marvin was amazing. "Heeheehee! Hi everybody! Heeheeha! Heh, thanks, whatsyername, heehee, I can't imagine what it would be like to be depressed like I was. Heehee!"  
  
"Oh.my." said Harry. Marvin started singing. "I made it through the wilderness, somehow!" Everybody plugged their ears and made retching noises. "I didn't know how lost I was until I found yoouu!" Marvin pointed at Harry, but Harry was so busy retching that he didn't notice.  
  
"Oh, by the way, who is everybody?" Harry yelled. "Uh, I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox. Kinda rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?" yelled the two-headed pirate-person with three arms. "Erm. Dent-Arthur Dent. Please don't tell me I'm a jerk, I've already had too much of that.heh." shouted the man in a bathrobe. "He's a sensitive Golgafrinchan," shouted Zaphod. Next was the woman in the red suit. "Tricia McMillan, preferably Trillian," said the woman, as Marvin had run out of annoying songs to sing in his monotonous voice, so that they didn't have to yell. "Err.err. I'm Ford Prefect, and, no, people with the name 'Ford' in their name are not part of a conspiracy," replied the man in the sweater. Meanwhile, Marvin the happy robot was bumbling about, amusing himself with the NutriMatic.  
  
Well, Harry thought, you certainly do meet interesting people on foreign planets. I think I'll go talk to the people from the second spaceship.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


End file.
